Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Take me to there.

This week needs to be over. I’m hanging by a thread here.

“She liked monsters, beer and pizza” or You ever wonder what your eulogy will say?

I do. Or at least I have recently.

I’ve been on a spiral of bad juju and whenever shit gets overwhelming my head goes dark quickly. I also have this terrible headache that has overstayed its welcome and I dont know how to get rid of it. I might be dying you guys. [She says as she smokes another cigarette]

I really wish I had my painting supplies here, I really feel like just throwing some paint on a canvas, maybe thatll help me sort my head out. 

Anyway, yeah, its that time of the year when I get anxiety over everything. I cant sleep, my head hurts and I want to vomit all over this keyboard, but I wont because ew and what a fucking drag to clean that shit up. I mean, really. But yeah, I’m tired of this anxiety and being scared and lonely and having to put a mask on every day. I get very nostalgic about my life back home and the people I love(d). I miss a lot of things, but at the same time I don’t. I hate a lot of things here, but at the same time, I don’t. Basically, I’m kind of a mess. 

(Sidenote: There’s a choir of crickets attempting to serenade me to sleep but they’re really only pissing me off.)

I wish I could find a way to fast forward time. To just fast forward to a time when I’m okay with everything. When I’m happy with life and where its led me and where its taking me. But then, the fear sinks in again, what if there isnt such a time?! Eek. Its a possibility, you know? I dont know. Its late and Im tired and I feel like Im rambling. Maybe thats all I need, to empty my head. 

I’m gonna go think of things to put in my eugoogly. 

Health Matters

maltyk:

How I eat healthy

Baby Carrots- covered in ranch

Steamed broccoli- covered in cheese

Raisins- covered in yogurt

Celery- covered in Peanut Butter

Apple slices - covered in peanut butter

Salad - drowning in ranch and cheese

Granola mix - covered in froyo and candy

Orange juice, lemonades and teas instead of sodas — with vodka, gin or rum

I want to hold your hand or why dont you get over yourself and just fucking enjoy my company?!

This life I am leading right now. Its unreal. Its driving me crazy. I try to fix it, but somehow I make it worse. And I know its not just me, theres bigger factors, greater things that arent even my fault, that I shouldnt even deal with, but alas, here I am. 

This life. Its funny. Its mean and its unreal, but its real and it can hurt. But whats the saying? “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” 

So, you know, I just gotta keep going. 

Also, I’m drunk. So there’s that. 

2013 is officially the year of “just because I am the one to discover your messes doesn’t mean it’s my job to fix them.”

letmejusttellyou:

People need to take some responsibility for themselves. I’ve got my own business to take care of.

THIS. OMG THIS.

Oh John,

32 years later, you are still missed.