(817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake’s not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bahahahahahaha! Love it!
I know your age is just a number, but recently I feel like I’m becoming old. Not for the obvious reasons—going to sleep before 9:00 p.m., enjoying brunch specials, hating modern music—but because I’m pretty sure I’m shrinking. I saw it happen to my grandparents and parents, and now it’s happening to me. Is there any way to reverse this process, or should I just check myself into a retirement community?
Get a wheelchair, a baked-potato-size dog, some sweatpants combos, and start really living! Gone are the isolation and self consciousness of the middle ages. Fart, tell intimate stories to strangers, fly a Confederate flag on one side of your walker and a gay pride balloon on the other. Let go the constraints of youth. Embrace weakness, confusion, and simple woodworking projects. Our deepest fear is often our greatest wish. I congratulate you on your upcoming retirement.
Excerpt from The Believer’s ‘You’re a Horrible Person, But I Like You’ book of advice.
What’s the difference between a transsexual and a transvestite? Which is the one where you tuck it instead of snip it? I just don’t want to make a mistake that I’ll regret for a long, long time.
That’s an easy one, Greg. A transvestite is someone you fuck. A transsexual is someone you marry.
Excerpt from The Believer’s ‘You’re a Horrible Person, But I Like You’ book of advice. I’ve been laughing my ass off with this book. Its just a collection of letters but they’re answered by some of my favorite people on earth (e.g., Janeane Garofalo, Sarah Silverman, Zach Galifianakis, Michael Ian Black, Jim Gaffigan, David Cross etc.), if you get a chance check it out.